


i've been watching you

by nerdytardis



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Gen, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 17:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20029285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdytardis/pseuds/nerdytardis
Summary: What do you get when you combine a broken-down car, two dads just trying their best, and some spilled cheerios?A slice of domestic fluff apparently





	i've been watching you

**Author's Note:**

> this is so self-indulgent and silly but i just love them so much asdfghasdfasdf
> 
> title is from "watching you" by rodney atkins because i'd be kidding myself if i said this wasn't partly inspired by that song  
sorry for any typos  
thanks for reading!

A loud clunk rattled out from under the car.

David squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the palms of his hands to his temple as the car came to slow halt at the side of the road. They sat there for a moment, staring at the fields all around them. 

“Well,” Patrick said, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, “This doesn’t look good.”

“Y’think?” David shot his husband a look before he turned around to check on Henry in the backseat, “You okay back there little guy?”

Always a trooper, Henry nodded as he kept munching away at his cheerios. 

“Good.” David sat back in his seat and looked to Patrick, who had pulled out his phone. “Please tell me you’re calling someone to come save us.”

Patrick looked sideways at him. “We don’t need saving David.” He put his phone down and opened the car door, “This isn’t some horror movie.”

“You don’t know that.” David said, following Patrick out of the car, “What are you doing?”

Pulling up the hood of the car, Patrick glanced at the tangled mess of machinery and shook his head. He let out a sigh before he turned back to David. “Trying to look like I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you saying that you can’t fix this?”

Patrick made a face and David let out a groan.

“I’ll call Bob.” David pulled out his phone and grimaced at the utter lack of reception.

“Yeah, that’s what I was scared of.” Patrick said and David looked up for an explanation, “I don’t have any bars either.”

David’s voice went up an octave. “So you’re telling me that we are literally, actually, stuck in the beginning of _Children of the Corn_?”

Patrick had the audacity to smile at his distress. “Is that really the reference you want to go with?”

David rolled his eyes as Patrick took a step forward and brought both his hands to David’s shoulders. “We’ll be fine.” He said, giving David a reassuring squeeze, “None of the cults around here are that bad.”

“Ugh.” David tried to scowl, but Patrick was looking at him like _that_ and they had left their kid alone in the car so he didn’t really have the energy to pull it off right now. 

“We’ll just wait until someone drives by and flag them down.” Patrick said, like that was, in any way, a reasonable thing to do.

“Um, no?” David glanced at the car, making sure Henry was still chilling out in his car seat, “That’s how one of us gets _eaten_.”

“Okay,” Patrick leaned back a little and crossed his arms, “What’s your plan then?”

Letting out a breath, David racked his brain for something smart to say. “We…” he tried to remember what happened in the _Friends_ episode where they get trapped at some scary rest stop, “We should walk back to town.”

Patrick raised both his eyebrows at him. “All fifteen miles?”

David bit his lip and considered. “Fine.” He finally said, and Patrick smiled triumphantly, “But if I die,” he pointed a finger at Patrick, “I’m going to haunt you so bad.”

“What makes you think I’d survive?”

David huffed. “Between me and the small child, you are clearly the most responsible person here.”

“Aw David.” Patrick made an exaggerated gesture of putting his hand on his chest, “I’m so glad to hear you admit that.”

“Stop.” David was smiling, his face betraying him, as he waved his hand around to dismiss his ridiculous goof of a husband, “I’m going to wait in the car.”

Double checking Henry one more time as he climbed in, David finally settled back into the passenger seat. He crossed his legs and pulled out his phone, uselessly tapping at the icons despite the fact that nothing would load. 

Outside, Patrick was walking back and forth along the side of the road, holding his phone above his head. David smirked and took a discreet video of the whole thing, zooming in on Patrick’s pouty little concentration face.

Behind him, he heard the familiar sound of a cup of cheerios being dropped. He was about to turn around and clean it up when—

“Fuck.”

David froze. 

He whipped around to stare at his five year old who was in turn staring morosely at his spilled cheerios. “Excuse me?”

Henry looked up at David and pouted. “Fuck.”

“Okay, let’s stop saying that now.” David made a furtive glance towards Patrick, still outside waving his phone around.

“Why?”

“Because it’s a grown-up word.”

“Why?”

David let out a breath through his nose. If Alexis and Ted ever had kids, David was going to make sure that their first word was “why.” It’s what Alexis deserved for teaching Henry his favorite trick. 

At this point, Henry had picking up on the fact that he was embarrassing his dad. It was one of his favorite pastimes. David secretly blamed Stevie’s influence.

Giggling, Henry started smacking his little hands against his car seat and chanting. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“No, no, no—” David turned all the way around in his seat and was waving at his son to stop, “Please Henry you really don’t want to—”

The driver’s side door opened and David whipped around to Patrick. 

“Hi Daddy!” Henry waved with a grin, “Fuck!”

Both Patrick’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead, before he turned, oh so slowly, to stare expectantly at David. 

“Before you say anything, this is not my fault.” David brought his hands up in the universal gesture of surrender. 

Patrick crossed his arms. “For some reason,” He said, “I just can’t seem to believe you.”

“He just started saying it!” David said, rather frantically, “I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

Shaking his head, Patrick looked to his son and asked simply, “Where did you learn that word Henry?”

Henry was still grinning as he shook his head. 

Patrick doubled downed on his father-stare, only making Henry giggle.

“Was it Aunt Stevie?” David asked, already thinking up some way to get back at her. 

Henry shook his head again. 

“You can tell us.” Patrick said, “You’re not in trouble, we just want to know where you learned it.”

Ah yes, the bargaining stage. Now it was David’s time to shine. 

“How about this,” David leaned in a little to get Henry’s attention, “If you tell us where you learned that word, _and_ promise not to say it again,” he glanced at Patrick for some support, “We’ll let you have an extra scope of ice cream tonight.”

Henry lit up, all loyalties abandoned at the prospect of some extra chocolate chip. 

“Grandpa—”

David’s mouth dropped open, ready to gasp in betrayal. 

“—came over to the store and left his coffee behind and then Daddy knocked it over on some stuff and he said fuck!”

David actually gasped now, whipping around in time to see Patrick’s ears turn bright red. “It was _you_!”

Refusing to meet his gaze, Patrick bit his lip and shook his head. “I thought you were drawing in the back room, Henry.”

“You said it really loud.” Henry said. 

“I bet you did.” David said, nodding and fighting so hard to keep from grinning, “I can see it now.”

Patrick finally looked to him, all apologetic and embarrassed. “There was a lot of paperwork that I had to redo.”

“Uh-huh.” David couldn’t hold back his smile anymore. “You,” he said, pointing at his squirming husband, “blamed me for this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You better be.”

“When can I get my ice-cream?” Henry called from the backseat. 

“Once we get home.” David assured him. “In the meantime,” David turned to Patrick, “what am I going to do with you?”

He stared at his husband for a moment, smirking at him until Patrick’s own face cracked into a little crooked smile. 

Patrick rolled his eyes. “Are you actually mad or just glad that it wasn’t you?”

“Both.” David grinned at him, wishing very badly that there wasn’t a center console between him and a quick kiss, “Definitely both.”

\-- --

David was beginning to seriously debate the fifteen mile walk when a familiar blue truck finally appeared around the bend, speeding towards them. Patrick let go of David’s hand and hopped out of the car to wave it down. 

After being promised a free batch of the local gelato they had started carrying at the store, Ronnie finally sighed and popped the hood. 

She seemed to have barely looked at anything before she said, “You’re going to have to ride back with me and send Bob to tow this.”

“Are you sure?” David didn’t really love the idea of squeezing into Ronnie’s pickup.

“We have Henry.” Patrick said, furtively glancing between David and Ronnie.

“Trust me boys,” Ronnie shook her head at them and started back towards her truck, “I’m just as thrilled about this as you are.”

“Well.” David said, looking helplessly to Patrick, “Okay then.”

David somehow ended up in the middle of the bench seat, with Henry on his lap, while Patrick was squished against the door. 

Once they were settled, Patrick made sure to politely thank Ronnie again, before looking to Henry.

“What do we say to Ronnie, for helping us out?”

“Thanks Ronnie!” Henry waved at her. She gave him a distracted wave back as she started the truck. 

Henry, a Rose through and through, wasn’t satisfied with that lack of engagement. 

“Want to hear the grown-up word I learned?”

David went wide-eyed, and Patrick only got about half a syllable out before Henry loudly proclaimed: “Fuck!”

It only took a single glance at David’s awkward grimace and Patrick’s blush, before Ronnie was howling with laughter. 

Henry smiled proudly and David brought a hand to his face. When he looked to Patrick, he shook his head and said, “Look at what you’ve done.”

Patrick blinked, totally at a loss as to what to do, as Ronnie wiped tears from her eyes.

“Y’know what,” she said, pulling herself together, “You boys don’t owe me anything. The look on your faces just made all this more than worth it.”

Henry, glad to be contributing to the family, clapped happily in David’s lap as Ronnie turned back onto the road towards town.

David just shook his head and looked to Patrick, who gave him a little, apologetic smile. After a beat, David rolled his eyes and patted Patrick on the knee.

“Stop looking so guilty,” David said, “My mom ruined me in far more drastic ways and I turned out fine.”

Ronnie snorted next to him.

“You’re not helping Ronnie.” David shot over his shoulder, and Patrick broke into a real grin. 

Adjusting his grip on Henry in an attempt to keep him still, David grinned back. “For what it’s worth, you’re a great Dad.”

“Do you want me to leave you on the side of the road again?” Ronnie cut in. 

David squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “_Really _not helping now Ronnie. Also, no thank you.”

Patrick chuckled and put his hand over David’s. “Thank you David.”

David hummed warmly, soaking up the wonderful little face of his husband. Then his son started to squirm in his lap and David had to turn all of his attention back to the small person trying to play with the radio dial.

“Nope, that’s not ours.” David glanced sideways at Ronnie, “Don’t touch.”

Henry sat back and pouted. “Shit.”

“Oh my god.” David said, shaking his head in disbelief as Ronnie cackled with laughter and Patrick’s head fell into his hands.

Henry smiled and managed to use the distraction to press as many of the little radio buttons as he could get his hands on.

**Author's Note:**

> let patrick brewer say fuck 2k19


End file.
